Caryn’s 23 things – and then some

Racing into Library 2.0 with LOL and others


Recently, a couple of friends of mine have separately lost people they loved.  As Christians, they haven’t felt that it was appropriate to mourn, since they’re sure in their faith that the loved ones are in Heaven.  One of them, though, couldn’t help feeling sad, and felt guilty about it.

I told both of them that it’s ok to mourn, even in their situation.  You’re not mourning the person, in the way that you are sad when te has a fatal disease (but hasn’t died) or is injured.  In that case, you’re sad because a bad thing has happened to tir.  But once te’s died, a good thing has happened to tir, but a bad thing has happened to you.  When someone sends you a joke that the person would have loved, you start to forward it – and remember that you won’t laugh with tir again.  When you have a problem, and need advice, you won’t be able to go to tir and hear something helpful that will make you feel better.  You won’t be seeing tir at the Thanksgiving Day table, or at your mutual favorite mall.  You miss tir.  But what you’re mourning is tes absence, not tes fate.  You’re actually mourning for yourself, and the great times and relationship you used to have with this person, which now needs to be suspended until you’re where te is.

One of my friends thought that made sense, and (I think) felt a little less guilty.  The other didn’t reply to my e-mail – maybe to him, any mourning is forbidden.  I hope not, because God made us in such a way that when people we love are absent, we are sad for ourselves.  We need to recognize that.

March 1, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | 2 Comments